I hate myself today. I'm not even sure I can talk about it. Let's just say wine is apparently not my only trigger, and that the evenings that I'm home alone with my daughter are the hardest when it comes to staying sober.
I had a full night of cooking, and I like to drink when I'm cooking. I don't know why but I do. It's like peas and carrots for me. Just goes together perfectly. And for the record, I tend to be incredibly productive when I do. I will wake up in the a.m. with tons done and a clean kitchen. I may not remember any of it, but it looks great.
I will be gone every night this coming week because of holiday obligations, and this weekend is busy. Last night was my big night to cook. One of things I was making last night was cookie dough for an exchange coming up later in the week. I was making my holiday special, which is basically a cranberry-white chocolate cookie with brandy in it.
I had signed up to make them before I quit drinking, before I even realized drinking was really a problem for me. I didn't think it would be a problem. I was wrong.
I drank half the bottle of brandy last night. The rest went in the monumental amount of cookie dough I made. I don't remember going to bed.
Now, I'm wondering if it's time to talk to my husband, to tell him the depths of my problem, to ask for help.
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