It's been a little under a month since I last drank to excess (translation: drank myself stupid). The cravings have subsided, and I am more relaxed now from day to day.
My current challenge is my husband. I have been struggling with how/when to tell him, and honestly, I'm still not sure exactly what to tell him. I have told him that I'm not interested in drinking right now. I really thought after my last binge (entire bottle of brandy), that he understood I have a problem and would piece together my sudden "not drinking" commitment.
Then Christmas rolled around and he offered to pick up wine from the store for me, and offered me a beer at a party. On New Year's, he kept trying to serve me a drink or give me a sip of his. He seemed surprised when I declined the sake toast and had cider instead. On New Year's Day, I just pretended to drink the sake and dumped it.
In his defense, I have never sat him down eye-to-eye and said, "I think I am an alcoholic, and I would like your support in going sober." I utter euphemisms like, "I'm cutting back," "I think I'm getting too old to party like I used to," "I'm just not in the mood to drink right now."
Those are not definitive statements. Really, I've just made it sound like I'm on a little diet. And though I have always thought he was smart enough to connect the dots, I have to remember that I have never been a daily drinker. So he's seen me get tipsy/drunk maybe twice a month over the last year.
At some point, we'll have to have "the talk." I just don't know when.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Out of Sight, Out of Mind
It's 4:44 p.m., and I just realized that I haven't thought about drinking all day today. I mean, I've read my normal course of "booze-free" blogs, but the thought of me personally wanting a drinking hasn't struck me today. I didn't even think about browsing the wine aisle at the grocery store earlier today. It just hasn't been on my mind. I could get used to this.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
A Sober New Year
For an alcoholic, I haven't spent a New Year's Eve drunk since 2006. Interesting realization as I look at this year being different than others. NYE 2007 and 2008 were spent at overnight church functions. NYE 2009 was spent pregnant and at home. NYE 2010 and 2011 were also spent at home.
So the biggest drinking night of the year historically hasn't been a big deal to me. This year, however, NYE was a big deal to me. I wanted to celebrate the coming year and I wanted to do something fun. We settled on participating in a little party with the Asian side of the family. What says "fun" more than noodles?
Not drinking was a little more challenging than anticipated but I made it through without beer, scotch or sake. The only true temptation was the scotch -- I have long loved the taste of brown liquor served neat. But when I took a moment to think it through, I realized the problem I would face when everyone else in the room stopped at one (which they all did), and I would be consumed with the desire for two, three and four.
I drank a lot of water, a little sparkling cider and ate a ton of snacks. I wasn't misearble and I truly had fun.
Today is another big day for our family. But like most of our holidays with my husband's family, the big party is more about eating than drinking. Still, I think I might stop by the store for a case of water before we go -- just to be sure I have plenty to drink. One lesson learned in my journey to sobriety is the importance of proper planning. I can't just say, "I'm not drinking," and forget about it -- that works for people who don't have drinking problems. I have to commit to "not drinking," anticipate the challenges and then devise a plan for success.
It's getting easier, though. And that's a good thing. Happy New Year. May 2013 be the year I'm a sober machine!
So the biggest drinking night of the year historically hasn't been a big deal to me. This year, however, NYE was a big deal to me. I wanted to celebrate the coming year and I wanted to do something fun. We settled on participating in a little party with the Asian side of the family. What says "fun" more than noodles?
Not drinking was a little more challenging than anticipated but I made it through without beer, scotch or sake. The only true temptation was the scotch -- I have long loved the taste of brown liquor served neat. But when I took a moment to think it through, I realized the problem I would face when everyone else in the room stopped at one (which they all did), and I would be consumed with the desire for two, three and four.
I drank a lot of water, a little sparkling cider and ate a ton of snacks. I wasn't misearble and I truly had fun.
Today is another big day for our family. But like most of our holidays with my husband's family, the big party is more about eating than drinking. Still, I think I might stop by the store for a case of water before we go -- just to be sure I have plenty to drink. One lesson learned in my journey to sobriety is the importance of proper planning. I can't just say, "I'm not drinking," and forget about it -- that works for people who don't have drinking problems. I have to commit to "not drinking," anticipate the challenges and then devise a plan for success.
It's getting easier, though. And that's a good thing. Happy New Year. May 2013 be the year I'm a sober machine!
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