Despite not drinking yesterday, I was up for most of the night again. More anxiety, more worry. Most of it around my plans for tonight. It's my monthly mommy playdate, which really means it's one night where I get together with some mommy friends and we drink our way into oblivion while discussing the finer points of parenting, our husbands and our efforts to just keep ourselves sane.
I've tried to steer these dates away from wine for the last couple of month, suggesting different meeting times and locations. But for whatever reason, wine at someone's house is always the winning option.
I got out of bed this morning filled with dread. As I made a smoothie, I thought about texting the hostess and implying that I might be pregnant as an excuse for bringing a different beverage. The fact that I'm not pregnant and that I see her all the time made that not so realistic. I tried to envision different methods of avoiding wine for the evening but cranberry juice in a wine glass is hardly convincing.
A normal person would just call and say, "You know, I'm not feeling wine tonight. How about hot cocoa?" But I am not a normal person. There was no acceptable alternative in my brain. So I took the mature route. I lied. I texted her at 6 a.m. and said I had to cancel because my daughter was sick.
Her reply, "Aww...hang in there. We just had the crud at our place."
I was momentarily relieved and then riddled with guilt. Seriously, I've gone from lying about my drinking to lying about not drinking. Is this my future, one lie after another? I won't be able to keep them all straight.
The upside, however, is today, I am not drinking. And that makes Day 2.
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