One Week Down

I have been consistently sober for one entire week. When I made the decision to take a break from alcohol last Thursday so I could take some time to examine whether I truly had a problem, I didn't think the one-week mark would be such a big deal.

But since then, I've survived three restaurant experiences, one night home alone and a holiday party where I have white-knuckled my way through sobriety. OK, to be honest, the restaurant experiences weren't a challenge. But that single night alone and last night's holiday party really were.

I ate way too much last night. My stomach is still overfilled from all the food. I might actually have a food hangover -- different from a booze hangover but no less unpleasant. I've been reading on other blogs that now is not the time to worry about weight or calories. One even said "chocolate is your friend." But I don't think I'm doing my body any favors if I stop abusing it in one way and start abusing it in another.

Not sure what I'll do about all of that, but I'll figure it all out.

First Battle Won

It's been one full week since my last drink. Tonight was my first real challenge: The office Christmas party . Work events are not usually drinking events for me. I have never considered the mix of alcohol and colleagues to be a smart cocktail. Still, I can typically manuever around one with a glass of wine in hand that never drops below the halfway mark.

Tonight was different. For the last week, everyone has been abuzz abou the food, the beer and the wine. When I decided to take a break from alcohol last week, I had intended to have wine at this party. But the farther I get from that last drink, the more I realize the scope of my problem. So I decided yesterday that I wasn't drinking tonight. Even went so far as to tell a few coworkers that the food sounded so good that I was diverting my wine calories so I could eat more.

Tonight wasn't awful but the wine beckoned me. I was offered a drink every 15 minutes or so. I managed to stay close to a full glass of water for the night. And aside from eating way too much, I survived.

Hard Night Becomes Rough Morning

I didn't drink last night but I sure feel hung over. After finally getting my sick little one to bed, I decided I belonged there, too. The sooner I went to bed sober, the sooner I'd wake up sober. Instead I was beseiged by dreams of drinking, of alcohol of trying hard to decide not to drink. I feel like I haven't slept a wink, and I am miserable. Not sure if giving up alcohol and coffee at the same time was such a good idea.
Here's to one more day.

Hard Night

I spent the day thinking about drinking at work, only to come home to a sick husband and toddler. Yay me. After dinner, I sent hubby to bed. If he felt half as bad as he looked, he needed to be quarantined. That left me up with an equally ill toddler. With all the coughing and sneezing, she could star in her own NyQuil commercial. Of course, this also means she's clingy...a suction cup couldn't get much closer.

There goes my plan of being productive tonight. I was supposed to make five freezer meals and finish up our Christmas wreath. Instead, I'm anchored to the rocking chair with a whiny, needy little one. And as much as I love being needed and the forced closeness with my usually independent little girl, it's hard to relax during these moments. My mind races. I stress about finances, work, my marriage, the upcoming holidays, my messy house, the dirty laundry, my volunteer commitments, and then I start thinking that a drink would be really good right now.

In my mind, I had already gotten up, walked to the fridge and grabbed one of hubby's beers before I even realized I was fantasizing about drinking. Knowing beer isn't my trigger, I thought for a moment that it wouldn't hurt to have just one. But then I stopped. A drink tonight means I can't even last five days without a drink. I'm not ready to throw in the towel so soon.

So I put in a movie to entertain the little one, fired up the laptop and decided to read some "drunk mommy" blogs and post here. It's working so far.

Almost a Week Down

A week ago today, I KNEW I had a drinking problem but just to make sure I tried to have a glass of wine last Wednesday. That glass turned into 6 or about a bottle and a half. I went to bed that night KNOWING something had to change and I had to quit.

I still haven't uttered the words "I" and "drinking problem" the same sentence, much less the dreaded "A-word" but I'm slowly heading toward acceptance. I have spent the past week on a journey to general wellness -- eliminating the mass amounts of caffeine, sugar, and of course, wine, that were flooding my body.

After a weekend in a surly mood, I told my husband that I am trying hard to get well. I didn't specifically say I was tackling my drinking but I told him I was working remove the toxins from my system and I listed alcohol among the collection. He nodded...nothing more. Not sure if that's his way of being silently supportive or if he really has not clue how deep I am in my problem. Right now, though, I don't care.

I never thought quitting could be so hard. The fog in my brain is just beginning to lift. I'm much less irritable than I have been over the past few days, but the urge for a drink is strong today. For no reason. No reason other than it sounds good.

I suppose that is another sign of having a problem...the inability to not think about drinking, to have it be all consuming. I don't like it.

A Weekend Without Booze

I've survived by first weekend after deciding I might have a drinking problem. Funny, a few months ago, I would have told you that I didn't have a problem. I think the fact that I'm counting each day I go without wine just might be a good indicator that I have more than a problem.

Had date night with the hubby last night, usually a great time for me to acceptably have a couple of glasses of wine. We're total opposites. I prefer to drink at home because I hate paying $6 for a glass of wine in the restaurant that sells by the bottle for $10 in stores. He would rather drink in restaurants and bars because for him, it's part of the overall entertaining experience. There is no "experience" at home so why bother? Of course, the other difference is when we go out, he has ONE drink. I have THREE. Guess who's always driving?

I have yet to discuss my drinking with him, even after he caught me drunk before church last Saturday night. So when the topic of what do on our date came about, he suggested the usual: Go out for a drink or go out for dessert.

Our marriage has been rocky for awhile, partially because we don't devote much time to each other. So the purpose of last night's date was to work on our communication skills with one another. With that in mind, I suggested we go to the local bookstore cafe to chat. My reason? I was cold and really wanted hot tea.

We compromised and started with dinner at the location of our first date. He had beer; I had hot tea. Then we capped off the night at a cafe where he had a cappuchino and I had -- yup, more tea.

He said nothing about my beverage choices, but it was all I could think about it. Would he notice? Would he ask questions? How would I answer if he did?

Ultimately, the night was pleasant and I'm happy to say I remember it all.

Kickin' Off the Weekend

I survived Friday night dinner out with just iced tea to drink, and the pre-weekend grocery store run with just some cartons of coconut water in my cart. This weekend is a test though. Monthly run to Costco where the wine deals this time of year can't be beat.

Right now, I feel good. Had my first solid night of sleep in over a weekend. I have a day of activities to keep me busy. We'll see how it goes.